Happy Mother's Day! :)

It's officially summer vacation, and I am, for the first time in a while, completely relaxed and incredibly happy. :) I've managed to catch myself up on just about all of the sleep I've been missing over the past few weeks, and I've had some awesome bonding time with my family. It's definitely good to be out of the city for a few days... I needed this.

I stayed in Tally for an extra day so I could watch my big and a few of my brothers graduate. I'm so incredibly proud of everyone and their achievements! I can't wait to hear about all the fantastic things that they accomplish in the future.

One last Big/Little picture

I don't know what I'm going to do without him.

THE SEMESTER IS OVER.

I'm home until Wednesday.

I couldn't be happier. :)

It's officially the last day of the semester... and I've been in Strozier with Scot since like 7:15 this morning. We totes bonded over the ROYAL WEDDING which was phenom. So much for being productive and studying for our finals. Oh well... C's get degrees, right? 

(Just kidding, mom)

The rest of today.... well, it sucks. I'm just ready for today to be over, my legit last shift to be done (curse my good nature and the need for money), Jean to graduate, and for my little bug to be on I-10 heading west for a few days.

I was in a great mood tonight... and then I got to the desk. I was really excited that Shannon ended up being my RA on call tonight, because I think she's fantastic and she just makes nights in this hall [that] much better... It's her last shift as an RA at FSU, and it makes me sad knowing that when I come back over the summer and in the fall, she won't be here (here as in on campus, not specificially in this building) to pick me up when I'm having a rough night or to just listen to me babble about whatever while on rounds. I'm glad that she'll still be around this summer though... she's definitely someone that I want to keep as a part of my life.

Tonight is my last Night Staff shift of the semester... and I'm at the point where I don't want it to be over. I mean, sure, a somewhat legitimate sleep schedule would be nice, and not spending the night in uncomfortable chairs in temperatures that are incredibly bi-polar sounds fantastic... but I'm going to miss this job for the month an a half that I'm not working. I've met some amazing people and had some crazy times while doing this job... I'm going to miss the way things are when summer officially starts and then the fall rolls around.


I have my last final of the semester tomorrow afternoon... I'm already mentally checked out, however, so I can't really tell you how I think it's going to go. I'm sitting here staring at all of my notes, and any whisp of motivation I had to commit this information to memory is completely gone. (Clearly, as I sit here blogging instead of studying...) I just want it to be over so I can focus on the summer.

Thanks, for making me feel like a complete asshole.

Now I'm awake, still slightly sleep deprived, and pissed. 

I'm aware that the storm that rolled through the South East today was awful and that it had horrendous effect on the lives of a whole bunch of people. I never said that I didn't care that upwards of 200 people died and towns were demolished.

All I said was that the storm positively contributed to one of the best naps I've had in a while.

There was no need to comment on my Facebook status (which has since been deleted because you made me feel like a tool) and tell me that how I felt about things was wrong. 

Back off.

 The last time I checked, my feelings about things didn't have to match yours... not that I owe you any explanation as to how or why I feel a certain way about things.

I don't have the patience for you today.

Family

Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what. Like I have said before "Blood makes you related but actions and love make you family."

My big posted this as his status on Facebook earlier, and it made me want to cry. 

(I know what you're thinking, and you're right- it's nothing new. It's no secret that I overinvest in my friendships because I want people to know I care about them and, let's be real, I'm just that emotional girl that takes on the feelings of the entire world.)

I've been thinking about family a lot lately, with all the seniors that are graduating this semester, and all of my outside-of-APhiO friends (yes, I still have a few) that I've managed to neglect all semester while I've been so involved with work and the brotherhood. I feel absolutely terrible that I haven't been around more this year, but what I absolutely love is that all of those people that I've neglected this year are still there, ready to start things up right where they left off the last time we talked. I'm so thankful for all of the amazing people I've had the opportunity to get to know here in my time at FSU (God, I sound like I'm dying or something) and I'm really glad that a lot of them are still around to put up with me. I can honestly say that I love them all more than they could ever imagine, and that they're the true definition of what 'family' should be.

My big called this afternoon to tell me that he got extra tickets for his graduation ceremony for my twin and me. I can't believe his bougie 'Will Work for Graduation Tickets' sign actually paid off (I wish I had a picture to show you... it was hilarious) and that I'll be sitting in the civic center at 9am on Saturday watching him walk across the stage and receive his diploma. I'm not really sure how I feel about all of this yet. I mean, clearly I told him I would be there- he's my big and he's been a huge part of my life this year. I can't not support him at one of the most important moments in his life... but I'm really sad that it's actually happening. I'm happy for all of the seniors and their accomplishments, but I don't want them to leave. They're all such amazing people, and I know they're going to do amazing things with their lives... but I just want to be selfish and keep them here forever.  

I'm not staying in town this weekend. Of course, my plans are slightly altered with this graduation business, but as soon as it's over and I do the obligatory hugs, tears, and photos... it's two hours of quality time with I-10 for me.

I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

Attempting to mellow out before my final with Glee.

I just want finals week to be OVER.

I'm tired of trying to cram information into my alraedy full-to-capacity brain and I'm ready to have my day planner go from being jam packed with things to do to being virtually empty. I'm ready to have most of the people in this city leave for a few months, and I'm ready to spend the summer focusing on myself. I'm excited for the two classes that I'm taking this summer in an effort to somewhat revive my GPA and I'm looking forward to being able to actually make plans to go places that I don't have to cancel at the last minute because of school, or work, or APhiO.

I pick up my official graduation check tomorrow... I'm not really sure how I feel about that yet. I mean, there are some days where I just can't wait to get the hell out of Tallahassee and get on with my life, and then there are other days where I don't even think about leaving because it makes me incredibly sad. You'd think that with my background as a Navy Brat, that I'd have this whole 'move somewhere, create a feeling of home, get attached to people, move somewhere else, repeat' mentality on lock... but there's something different about this time. (I know, I say that about every time, but for real- this time is legitimately different) There's something about this place, this school, and these people that I can't bear to even think about living without. I know that the possibility of this phase of my life lasting beyond a couple of years was never anything more than one of those wishes that get made when times are really good, and I know that, even if I didn't leave, other people are going to leave and get on with their lives... but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I don't know what the anticipated date for graduation is going to be when I pick up my check tomorrow afternoon, but I do know that I'm probably going to have a pseudo freak out at the fact that there's actually a date on the paper... I just don't know that I'm ready for things to even remotely look like they're coming to an end.

I started my senior speech for APhiO the other night (In anticipation for the final awards banquet that I don't even want to think about) and it's already three pages long... single spaced. I think the really sad part about it being that long is that the only people I've even managed to include in my speech thus far are the members of my family. I already know that I'm not going to call out everyone that's made a difference in my life, because we'd be there for hours, and that coupled with the fact that I cry at everything would just be too much to handle, but I do want to at least mention some people and my thoughts about my time in this amazing brotherhood that I've come to regard as my family. It still needs some work (and to be finished) so we'll see just how crazy it sounds once I've got everything in order the way I want it.

Graduation is this weekend. I'm not going to any of the ceremonies, but I'm already positive that I'm going to be a mess once everyone's alumni status becomes official. I'm warning you all now- if you don't do emotional stuff, don't call me this weekend. I'm just trying to save you the trouble of dealing with me. :)

Things Courtney Has Learned This Weekend

1. Champagne and hunch punch should never be mixed. Seriously- it leads to bad things.
2. Drunk crying for over an hour is ridiculous and succeeds in nothing other than making you 'THAT girl' (Sitting in the road and forgetting your address during the aforementioned crying incident are also not advised.)
3. I am, and will probably forever, be super blue. Every personality test I take yields the same results... seriously, it's scary.
4. Working Friday night, to be up early for a full day of activities and a full night of drunkness on Saturday, to be hungover all day Sunday (the day before FINALS) is a bad life choice.
5. Not studying for Monday morning finals until Monday morning, isn't such a great life choice either.
6. Hungover cleaning is really not my idea of a good time, but I'm glad I went back to help.
7. My brothers are amazing. End of story.
8. People who I underestimate really do care about how I feel... even if they don't show it all the time. (Thanks for taking the time to make sure I was okay and for attempting to talk things out with me. I appreciate you!)

My mom is coming into town next weekend and I am beyond ready for her to be here! I haven't seen her in a month and after the past few weeks... I just really need that stability that she brings for a little while. Of course, this means I have to find time in my jam packed schedule of finals and work (four straight nights at work coupled with four finals is just not a recipe for fun, at all) to tackle the mountain of laundry I have in the middle of my floor so she doesn't freak out... but oddly enough, I'm ready for whatever ridiculousness I have to do to get it done. It'll make things more exciting. :)

Good luck on your finals, if you have them!

In a little more than an hour, the semester (excluding finals) will be completely over.

THANK GOD.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this weekend... On the one hand, I'm so glad that I'm taking some time off from everything and just having fun with my brothers before everyone goes AWOL for finals and then goes home for the summer... and on the other hand, I'm devastated that, for a lot of people, this is their last big weekend here at FSU. I'm having a reasonably decent day though, so I'll forgo dumping all of my feelings for now and just focus on the fact that I absolutely cannot wait to let my hair down this weekend and not give a damn about anything until Monday.

My 'vent' for today...

I'M TIRED.

I realize that it's my own fault and that I probably don't have a right to complain, but it's my blog and I'm going to bitch because I can.

I'm usually one to appreciate those blatantly sarcastic comments from others, but honestly, I'm not in the mood for that shit today. I'm coming off of a four (consecutive) day work stretch and an all nighter to study for a test that I have this afternoon. My all-nighter started in Strozier literally right after my class got out yesterday and I eventually ended up in Smith with a friend who was on duty. I should probably mention that my productivity level took a huge dive once I got to Smith, but at least I got some studying done between going on rounds and random adventures though the West Side.

Point being - Morning receptionists really don't have a right to be snarky.

Let's be for real- they come in at 7 (& half the time they're late) and work for maybe four hours. They literally do nothing except sit at the desk and occasionally answer the phone. They need to stop acting like they're so freaking special because they get to within the confines of a (in most cases) really shitty office and that I should be forever indebted to them for relieving me from my shift. They really don't have the right to look at me with disdain if I haven't gotten around to packing up my laptop and study materials to patiently wait for them to grace me with their presence. Just because I work a 9-hour over-night shift doesn't automatically mean that I have all the time in the world to sit and do nothing. (Granted, I do have a lot of down time between the time I do rounds and the occasional lock out, but that's really besides the point.)

I'd like to point out that this entire rant stems from the receptionist in Kellum this morning making some snarky-ass comment about how my intended 30 minute 'power nap' turned into a 3 hour, legit nap. Sure, I really only wanted to sleep for half an hour because I had shit to do this morning, but seriously- I slept in the lounge, and nobody's awake at 7:30 in the morning anyway. I left my computer behind the desk because I knew it would be safe back there. I'm just failing to see where it's really any of her business to comment on how long my nap was when I went to retrieve my belongings... it didn't, in any way, directly affect her and her ability to do her job.
Betch.

I have half of my final this afternoon... and for such a small amount of material, I'm slightly freaking out. I don't necessarily have the best track record with test grades in this class... and funny enough, tests are all that matter in this class. (I hate that, by the way. I'm not a great test taker, so it really kinda screws me over from the get-go.)  I really just want this day/week/month to be over so I can bask in the wonderfulness of doing absolutely nothing with my life and attempt to fix my sleep schedule. Or create one... that might be a better place to start.

I just checked up on my summer classes. I'm really excited about my Religion and Genocide seminar that I'm taking, aside from the fact that it's only a FIVE person class. Who the heck has a class with only five people in it? I shouldn't really complain about it, considering that I was one of of the five to secure a spot on the roster (It's one of those 'you must have instructor permission to obtain a course code' class), but the complete lack of a class makes me a little nervous.

There are a surprising number of stray animals that roam this campus in the wee hours of the morning...

For having the crap day that I had (I'm pretty sure that I'm starting to get sick, or something of that nature, because I slept through pretty much everything today, and felt really yucky for the few hours that I actually spent awake), tonight has actually turned out to be better than I expected. :)

I got to spend some time with my best friend tonight... for the first time in almost a month. I love that it wasn't anything extraoridnary (we literally laid in bed eating dry Captain Crunch and watched the Disney channel) but was everything I needed to feel somewhat balanced. I mean, we still have some a lot of catching up to do, because we both lead very busy lives these days.. but we're definitely on track to getting to level ground.

He makes me really happy :)

(This is old... but it's literally the only decent picture that we have together.

Clearly we're in need of a photo shoot)

Moving on...

Tonight marks my fourth consecutive night on duty... my second consecutive night in Deviney. I honestly don't know how I'm still functioning, but I am and my paycheck better be worth it. One of my favorite RA's in this death-trap of a residence hall brought down a [sugar free] Red Bull earlier and I'm pretty sure she saved my life. I hit my peak a few hours ago, and I'm pretty sure I'm on the way down, 'cause I'm starting to yawn a lot. Those yawns could also be my weak attempts to stifle tears (I'm re-watching The Notebook for the millionth time), but for now, we'll stick with the caffeine running out of my system. :)

Yesterday marked the beginning of the last two weeks of the semester.. and needless to say, I'm freaking out. This semester has gone by so fast and I'm nowhere near prepared enough to be done. I still have to finish my FAFSA and do some serious work to come out with decent grades. I have half of my history final on Wednesday night, and I still don't know how I did on my last test in that class because I haven't been in two weeks. (Clearly, I'm a model student.) I think a part of the reason I'm freaking out is that the end of this semester marks the beginning of my last semester (or last couple semesters, as I'm taking summer classes this year) here at Florida State.

I'm not ready to be done.

I've only been at FSU for two years, but it feels like it's been forever. This university has become my home and the people here my family. I don't know what it feels like to be in a non-academic setting for an extended period of time and I really have no idea what the hell I'm going to actually do with my degree. I don't know what I'm going to do without being constantly surrounded by my brothers and my night-staffers, and free-time is a concept that has become so foreign, I'm going to have to take a class to figure out what to do with myself.

In other news...

My little brother turns 20 years old in less than a month.

Where the hell has the time gone?!

It seems like it was yesterday that we were little kids running around the backyard in our own make-believe worlds, just living life the way it was meant to be lived. Now he's living on his own, got a full time job and a baby on the way. I know we're not really that far apart in age, but it makes me feel really old that he will no longer be a teenager.
I mean, I'm going to be 23 in December, but damn.

I remember when he started school, when he lost his first tooth, his 7th birthday, teaching him how to ride a pogo-stick, and so much more... Time is seriously moving way too fast, and it needs to slow the freak down. I'm hoping that everything will be in order by the time his birthday rolls around so that I can make a trip to Jacksonville to spend it with him... I would feel really shitty if I showed up to watch my neice come into the world in June and I didn't make it to his birthday. Fingers crossed that karma is on my side.

Today has been absolute shit.

I wish life came with a re-do button and that I wasn't getting sick the week before finals.

Merr.

Seriously- how could you not be in love with this view? This was taken when my whole family went to the mountains in North Carolina two summers ago. Unadulterated nature like this is the reason I want to live in the middle of nowhere (theoretically speaking... because let't be real- I need civilization in my life) when I finally decide that I want to grow up and do something with my life. I can't speak for anyone else, but spending a week on top of this mountain with my favorite people on the planet put a lot of things into perspective for me. People spent too much time focused on the material things in life and being too into the latest trends that they tend to forget about the simplicity and beauty that is what we've had sitting in front of us (until someone feels the need to build a new parking lot somewhere) the whole time. Now, I'm hardly one that gets super excited about spending time in a place where I get no phone reception, I have to share two bathrooms with 17 other people, and the only restaurant in town is the Pizza Hut that hasn't been renovated since the 80's... but there's something about the quaintness of this little town nestled between the mountains that made me okay with pushing my slightly higher than average maintenance aside so that I could just appreciate the time that I got to spend with my family.

It's been almost two years since these pictures were taken.

I need a crash course in simplicity 101, because I'm so far away from the mindset I need to be in that it's ridiculous.

I have some time before my receptionist shows up...

&& I'm highly caffeinated. Not really the best thing to pair with half an hour of sitting behind a desk with nothing better to do with my life, but whatever.

The 60th Anniversary celebration for my fraternity was this weekend, and from the looks of everyone's pictures, it was fantastic. I'm really glad that all of the hard work and planning that went into making it such a big deal paid off and everyone had a good time. :)

I was thinking the other day in my down time (yes, I do actually have some every now and again) that I've become entirely too dependent on technology. I don't remember the last time I actually had a face-to-face conversation with someone that didn't involve texting mid-conversation.... and that bothers me. I had the bright idea to actually cancel my cell phone service for an entire week in an attempt to gain some perspective on my life and work on those face-to-face relationships that I've been slacking on for the past... well, forever. Of course, as soon as it takes effect, there would be a robbery on campus that involved residents in the building I was working in last night and I would have to schedule time to fit in lunch with my APhiO family... at least the ones that decide to check the Facebook group with any regularity and actually participate in family events... but that's another point for possibly another time. Point being- in trying to be awesome and gain some perspective in my life, I picked an awful weekend to try and cut such an active part of my daily routine out of my life. I mean, it's already having an impact on me... it's made me aware of just how much random texting that I do on a daily basis (It's seriously only been 24 hours since I had it shut off... it's crazy how many random texts I've gone to send before realizing that I can't.) and it's forcing me to evaluate what's really important and what isn't. It's also helping me in the 'I tend to overcommunicate' area of my life... I'm sure that some people are already or will be rejoicing in this week of cell phone silence from me. Hopefully this week turns out to be something really awesome for me in terms of personal growth, and it'll be something that I stick with.

I've realized during my shift tonight that rounds are SO much better when you have an epic playlist to accompany you down the desolate hallways in the wee hours of the morning. I normally don't take my iPod with me on rounds, because (obviously) I won't be able to hear the radio, should it go off, over how loud I listen to my music. It's a quiet night in Deviney tonight though, so I figured 'why not' and picked a few upbeat songs to walk to.. and almost died of happiness. It might be something that I legitimately implement into my normal rounds routine... maybe, maybe.

OH! Night Staff banquet was last night... it was a fun excuse to put on a dress and cute shoes, but it wasn't anything overly special. I was glad that I got to spend some time with the people that have become such a big part of my life in the past few months in a not-so-formal setting (if that makes sense.. because we definitely got paid for going, and we had to dress for the occasion...) I am literally so glad I decided to bite the bullet and apply for this job this semester... I would be missing out on SO much awesomeness. These people are definitely my third family and some of my newest best friends. And people told me that my life would suck if I took this job... SO glad I didn't listen. :)

Well, I've still got about 20 minutes or so until the receptionist is supposed to be here.. fingers crossed she shows up today... because the last time I worked this building, nobody showed up because of the weather. (Which, by the way, was not even that bad. It literally only rained for a few hours, and then it was clear skies for the rest of the day. Man up and come to work, betches.) The Coca-Cola man, however, is paitently waiting at the door with his dolly full of caffeinated goodness for me to finish typing this... so I think this is where I leave you for now.

Have a great day :)

I FREAKING LOVE MY JOB :)

Seriously, I have the best co-workers ever!

I don't know exactly when this is from... 

It's my favorite representation of how completely bad-ass FSU and the Marching Chiefs are.

When I feel like giving up everything that I've worked for here in Tallahassee and going home-

This is what makes me stay.

(Well, there are other things too... but this is one of the top 5)

Battle of the Bands- FSU vs Kentucky

Acrophonology

I was on StumbleUpon and came across this website about acrophonology. (I'll save you the trouble of Googling it- it has to do with name analysis.) Usually I skip over most of the stuff like this that I stumble onto, but for some reason I decided to go with the flow and put my name into the little search box... It's almost (and by almost I mean really) freaky how accurate this analysis is. If you were ever curious about how my mind works and why the way I am... here you go. COURTNEY You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You are soft hearted with a charitable nature. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. Your independence and freedom are important to you.

MICHELLE You want to be productive and feel useful, and enjoy helping solve problems. You like to be busy and not waste time. You are clever, inventive, imaginative and youthful. You enjoy socializing. Your curiosity can get the best of you. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. It is important to you that you make your own way in the world. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. Your use of reason and logic is strong. You enjoy communicating. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You enjoy socializing and entertaining. You must learn the lessons of self-worth; learn to love yourself before you can love others. (HOW does this thing know my life?!) You enjoy socializing and entertaining. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. Your use of reason and logic is strong. You enjoy communicating.

BOOTH You have a tendency to resist change. Don't miss opportunities for growth. You have a love of creature comforts, but must learn to handle money. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You tend to be private and secretive. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You enjoy make-believe and fantasy. It is hard for you to forget injustices. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. It is important to you that you make your own way in the world.

i'm trying.

i wish you knew how hard it really is
to feel completely irrelevant to you
when you mean everything to me.

Waiting around...

I'm scheduled to take a picture for the composite we're putting together... and since my time was in the middle of  my class, I'm clearly being the perfect student and just not going so I can get things done. While I'm waiting for my time to roll around though, I've got awesome music to keep me company. :)

Giving Up On You

A friend of mine turned me on to Justin Robinette a couple months ago, and I think he's amazing. You should definitely check him out on Youtube. :)

Studying sucks...

Someone remind me why I thought college was such a great idea?  (Just kidding, mom.)

I've got a vocab quiz in German on Thursday and an extra credit assignment for my Gay Politics & Policy class that I'm trying to study for/work on while I'm working at this non-user friendly desk... I think I've officially hit that time of night where I just don't feel like doing anything else productive...

So here I sit... not studying, not doing work, and not actually caring about the consequences of either. (For now)

I had a pretty awesome phone date earlier with a friend of mine who I haven't talked to in a few months (a few being like, almost a year) and I haven't seen in forever. It was really nice just to catch up on what's happening in each other's lives. It also makes me really happy that our whole conversation was like nothing had changed in the past few months. We picked up right where we left off the last time we talked and just continued on from there... it was literally the most natural conversation I've had with anyone in a long time. I wish I had more conversations like the one tonight in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love the people in my life and the conversations we have because they're usually quite meaningful... but to have a conversation with someone who knows (even after all this time) me to a 'T' is just.... it's amazing. I hope regularly scheduled phone dates are something that become a constant occurance in my life. :)

I talked to my mom for the first time in almost a month last night.... which makes me both really happy and really sad at the same time. It wasn't a super long conversation, and I feel really crummy that all I talked to her about was APhiO stuff and how stressed out I've been lately... but that's literally been my life for the past few weeks. Anyway- I love that she just lets me ramble on about my ridiculousness and essentially tells me the same thing that everyone else has been trying to tell me for a while now. I've been hearing what everyone else has been telling me; that I need to stop overcommitting myself, that I need to stop caring so much about what other people do with their lives, that I need to stop caring so much about how other people feel, that I need to sleep more... but for some reason, when my mom says stuff like that to me, it just clicks.

I went to bed at 11 last night (which is virtually unheard of for me) and slept for almost 12 hours... Of course, I was wide awake at 4am due to my inability to sleep for more than 5 hours at a time thanks to my job, but I won't complain as both of my sleep stints combined are more than I've slept in the past month. I didn't think it was possible to wake up feeling both rested and extremely exhausted at the same time... but it is, and I did. I did, however, wake up with the realization that I need to make some serious attitude/personality/life outlook adjustments. NOW.

I've decided that from today onward, I'm not throwing all of myself into making other people happy, because it's not doing anything but stressing me out beyond belief. I'm going to start taking more time to focus on myself and my own well being. I'm not going to kill myself rushing around trying to do for other people when it's not reciprocated or appreciated. Sure, there are always a few people that do, but that's really besides the point. I'm almost really glad that summer's coming and a lot of people are leaving Tally for a few months. It'll be nice to have the city a little less congested, and it'll be nice to settle myself down while I take a couple classes to get my GPA back where it needs to be. I know it sounds really awful, because APhiO has become my life and I love it, but I'm glad that it's over for the semester too. I need time to focus on myself without any outside distractions (aside from the ones that I absolutely cannot get away from, like rent and other stuff like that) to steal that focus. I need time to not give a shit about what anyone else has going on in their lives and to just sit and relax for a change. I need time to do my laundry, clean my room, and re-bond with my best firiend. I feel like I've been so AWOL the past few weeks between school, work, and APhiO that I don't know what's going on in his life anymore, and it kills me. It's going to be slightly difficult for me, because caring about anything and everything is who I am, but this is really the only thing that's going to preserve what's left of my sanity.

Merr... I feel like I should get back to studying for my quiz, just so I feel somewhat accomplished by the end of this shift. Of course, that's a little difficult when strange things keep happening by the desk every few minutes, but we'll see how far I get.

I'm a crier

So I'm sure everyone, by now, is highly aware of the fact that I have a lot of feelings... and I'm really bad at hiding them.

Today was the last chapter of the semester... and quite possibly one of the longest and most emotionally taxing days of my life. (We're talking almost nine HOURS of chapter here... it was intense.) We usually do elections for the upcoming semester at the end of the current one, and today was no different.

I ran for Pledge Master this semester...and lost. I'm actually okay with losing, because I really don't have as much experience in dealing with the brotherhood as my competitors do and let's be serious- Pledge Master is a huge responsibility. A responsibility that I was ready to take on, but huge none-the-less. I should probably say that I'm really proud of everyone that won their positions, and I really am... but at the same time, I'm not 100%, jumping up-and-down, super stoked for next semester. I'm really sorry if that offends people, but it's how I feel. I don't necessarily agree with some of the decisions made today- and I'll leave it at that.

I don't make it a secret that PTG is probably one of my least favorite things, but today was quite possibly the one exception to that thought process. Today was the senior's last PTG, and everyone's PTG's were super heartfelt and very personal. Of course, this means I spent the entire 45 minutes that I was there for PTG bawling because it was all very touching, and I'm going to miss everyone SO much. I actually gave a PTG at this chapter, and thanks to my waterworks, it took me forever to get through... I didn't get everything out that I wanted to say because, let's be serious, nobody wanted to listen to me cry for an hour trying to get everything out.... so I'm going to re-count my PTG, with all the new parts added in. :)

1. Congrats to the NIBs!  You're all so amazing and I'm so proud and excited that I finally get to call you my brothers!
2. Falyn- You're seriously one of the most dedicated people I know. You do so much, and you get so much shit from other people... You're amazing.
3. Ricardo- my toe is still blue...and it hurts. :) I can't believe you're graduating in two weeks... I don't know what I'm going to do without you in my life. Your personality is seriously infectious and you're one of the most genuinely amazing people I've ever met. I love you beyond belief!
4. My dearest littles- I was absolutely terrified at the beginning of the semester that you would all hate each other or, even worse, me. I didn't know how I was going to actually be able to be the big that I wanted to be, and I didn't know how I was going to survive having three of you being a NIB myself. I'm honestly so glad that I took all of you this semester. You've taught me things about myself that I had never even began to think of, and you continue to amaze me on a daily basis. You're all so amazing and I'm so glad that you don't (as far as I know) hate me or each other. :)  I have honestly never felt so proud of anyone in my life as I did during your pinning as brothers at initiation. You three are going to be amazing brothers and will (hopefully) make me a very proud grand-big next semester. I know I can be slightly (and by slightly we all know I mean quite) overbearing at times, but I love you all with all of my heart... and I hope you realize just how much that is.
5. Hilary - You're seriously my best friend. I didn't walk into ΑΦΩ expecting to meet you and to have the bond that we do. You're the one to bring me back down from my insane emotional flare-ups and I know you're always the shoulder I can go to when I have tears that need to be cried. You have literally changed my life just by being a part of it, and I am so beyond thankful for you.
6. My amazing BIG! You're such an important part of my life and I literally would be so lost without you. I don't know how I'm going to function next year with you in Spain... Thank you so much for being such an amazing role-model for what a true brother should be. You've literally made my ΑΦΩ experience something that I'll treasure for the rest of my life. I love you SO much... it's not even funny. :)
7. To this amazing group of people I'm so fortunate enough to call my brothers- thank you so much for just existing! I know that we complain (well, I complain) a lot about things, and we all lead different life paths... but we all come together for a common reason and the love that we share for one another is something that I am constantly in awe of. It's such an amazing feeling to know that if I ever needed one of you, that all I have to do is pick up a phone and I have over 100 people that would (hopefully) drop what they were doing to come help me out. I am so lucky to have each and every one of you in my life, and I cannot imagine what my life would be without all of you in it. I don't want to imagine my life without any of you in it... because let's be serious, it would suck. I love you all so much.<3

I'm sure there's more in there, but I'm working and I'm trying really hard to NOT live up to my reputation as 'THAT girl who cries at everything'... even though that's exactly who I am. :)

The point is- I love you all, and I'm so thankful that you're all a part of my life.

My [[amazing]] littles!

(Yes, ALL of them!)

Initiation was last night... and was a complete success! :)

I'm so proud of ALL the Tigers and can't wait to see them grow within this amazing brotherhood

<3

Bored at the desk...

I'm listening to my favorite Pandora station while re-reading 'Catcher in the Rye' for the hudreth time. I love that after all this time, it still tops my list of favorites. I love that this is actually what I get paid to do. :)

I had a rather interesting encounter with a few of the residents in this hall earlier... Long story short, beligerant men in sports bras are just not something I ever thought I would encounter while doing this job, and yet- It's now something I guess I can cross off my bucket list. (Not that it was on there in the first place, but you get the idea.)

One of my littles came to visit me at the desk tonight. It's a fairly frequent occurance when I work the Eastside, which I'm totally not complaining about. I love the interruption from the monotony that is the desk and I'm never one to turn down bonding time- even if it's only a few minutes. It means a lot, to me at least, that someone's willing to take the time out of their schedule to come and spend time with me... even more so when that time is at all hours of the night. :) (I don't know if you read this, but on the off chance you do- Thank you :) I appreciate you more than you know.)

Elections for next semester's Exec Board are this weekend after initiation. I think I want to run for Pledge Master for the fall... but I'm slightly nervous about it. I know that I'll have the time to dedicate to it, the organization skills to make sure everything runs smoothly, and that I have a whole lot of heart to put into the position... but I also know that the people I'd be running against have the same feelings, qualities, and more expierence than I do. I think it's the lack of experience I have, being a NIB this semester, that worries me most. I know beyond a shaddow of a doubt that I would be a great PM if I had the right people behind me to help me out along the way. The more I think about it, the more I want it... but I aslo keep thinking about all of the obstacles I'd have to face to get there. This semesters pledge class will officially be brothers by the time Sunday rolls around, and will be legitimate voting members of our chapter. I know a majority of them, and I feel like I get along with just about all of them, but I don't know how they feel about me, which is just another thing to add to my list of 'what the hell do I do if...' thoughts that I have about running. I guess all I can do is write a speech (assuming that I get nominated, of course) and pray for the best.


Merr- I've been away from the antics of Mr. Caulfield for too long. It's back to my book and my music for the few minutes I have before my next set of rounds.

Goodnight<3

I epic fail at studying.

I've literally been sitting in Strozier for the past 6 hours, and have accomplished next to nothing of academic importance other than changing the language of my Facebook from English to German.. Did I mention that I have a test at 5 tomorrow? Someone, please, kill me.

At least my procrastination allows me to update my day-planner and get my life [somewhat] back on track. There's nothing that compares to having an organized day-planner. :)

I-Week!

In exactly 5 days from today, we'll have 52 (I think) amazing new brothers! :)

Relay for Life 2011

*NSYNC with a Cure

APhiO Singing Bye Bye Bye to Cancer

Relay For Life 2011

I was fortunate enough to experience FSU's Relay for Life this year with some of the most amazing people on the planet. I seriously cannot imagine participating in such an emotional and fulfilling event without my brothers (current AND future) by my side. I love all of you more than you could ever imagine and I am SO proud to call each and every one of you family.<3

The ΑΦΩ teams raised over $10,000 year, which is just a small portion of the (over) $173,000 that FSU Relay for Life raised overall!

I've been participating in Relay for Life since I was a sophomore in high school, and I can honestly say that it's my all time favorite philanthropy. I used to Relay for fun and to help an amazing organization (The American Cancer Society) raise money for education, prevention, and treatment. 

Mary Beth "Birdie" Knox

November 28, 1984 - March 27, 2007

Now, I Relay for my cousin, Mary Beth, who lost her fight with Sarcoma in 2007.

Relay has seriously taken on a whole new meaning for me since she passed away, and I couldn't be more proud of the hard work that goes into making Relay for Life a success each and every year, thanks to the amazing people that volunteer their entire year to putting Relay together, the amazing teams that come together to raise money for a cure, and all of the money raised to help fight cancer so we [hopefully] don't have to Relay in the future.

CELEBRATE

REMEMBER

FIGHT BACK

Truths

I was reading on of my (fraternity) brother's blogs this afternoon, and I really like the way she chose to introduce herself to her followers... so I'm following in her amazing footsteps and introducing my whole self to you. :)

1. I spend about 85% of my class time on Facebook.

2. Successfully managing money is something I'll never be good at.

3. When I was younger, my granddad and I would have contests to see who could eat the spiciest foods. Now I can't eat spicy food at all.

4. I absolutely cannot focus on telling someone something if there are distractions around me. It's normal for a 2 second story to take me 5 minutes to tell.

5. I HATE intolerance with a passion. Equality is a RIGHT, not a PRIVILEGE.

6. I firmly believe that my parents getting divorced was one of the best ideas my mom ever had.

7. I lived in England for 5 years when I was a kid. I lived on an American base, so no, I don't have an accent. Sorry to disappoint.

8. I have horrible posture because I slouch all the time.

9. I get slightly uncomfortable when I sit in the passenger seat of a car. 

10. I never went to an actual middle school. 6th grade was part of the elementary school and 7th & 8th were part of the high school.

11. I want to do something with my life that leaves a (positive) memorable impression on at least one person.

12. I can't stand driving slow and I have a low tolerance for traffic.

13. I don't believe in pre-marital sex.

14. I only interact with a small number of people on a constant basis. I prefer it that way, it's easier to develop lasting relationships when you have more time to put into them.

15. I'm a brother in ALPHA PHI OMEGA  and I couldn't be happier with my life if I tried.

16. I can't stand the fact that people die. I know it's not something that I have any sort of control over, but the thought of people I love dying absolutely terrifies me.

17. I don't like when people fight in front of me. It makes me feel awkward.

18. It's normal for me to not talk to my immediate family for extended periods of time.

19. I chose to major in International Affairs so I didn't have to take math once I got my associates degree.

20. I put milk in my hot tea.

21. I love the people in my life more than they'll ever know. 

22. When my brother had to take a tour of the Duval County Jail, I tagged along, just to see what it was like.

23. I'm a senior at Florida State University. Go 'Noles!

24. One of the smartest things I've ever done was invest in an iTrip. I hate talk radio, so now I can just avoid it all together. :)

25. I went to an allergist a few years ago, to see what I was allergic to. (duh)  2 hours, and 72 pin-pricks later, I learned that I'm allergic to just about everything under the sun.

26. I have all 5 of the original Spice Girl Barbie dolls, still in the box.

27.. I frequently have conversations with myself in an attempt to prepare myself for serious discussions.

28. I color when I get stressed out.

29. I journal so infrequently that I've been using the same journal for the past 8 years...and I still have a good chunk of empty space in it.

30. I silently (and sometimes not so silently) judge people. It's not something that I'm proud of, but it happens.

31. As happy as I am that I don't live there anymore... there are still parts of Jacksonville that I miss.

32. I love the days where I can just lay outside and look at cloud shapes.

33. I don't like blue highlighters.

34.. I LOVE grape juice.

35. It took me 20 years to make my first Build-a-Bear.

36. I internalize...really badly. I'm working on this new thing called 'telling people how I feel.' I'll keep you posted on how it's going. :) 

37. I've cut a lot of people out of my life within the past two years... and I can honestly say that I've never felt a moment of regret.

38. I love country music... and musicals...and 80's...

39. I work for University Housing... and I love the people I work with. :)

40. I need to focus more on myself instead of other people.

41. I still watch the Disney Channel.

42. Date nights make my life.

43. I get wickedly uncomfortable talking about sex.

44. People that drive long (straight) distances with their blinkers on annoy me.

45. I collect postcards.

46. I graduated from high school on May 21, 2007.

47. If I could spend the rest of my life in pajamas, I would.

48. Rainbow Sherbet from Baskin & Robins will always be my favorite ice cream flavor.

49.I put black olives and broccoli on my pizza.

50. I am OBSESSED with the color orange.

51. When I grow up, I want to live in a big southern-style house, with a wrap around porch, in a place where I have to drive at least 15 minutes to get to the grocery store.

52. I love laying out at night and looking at the stars.

53.I frequently make decisions that are detrimental to my bank account.

54. The puppets in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie scare me.

55. I have more 'adopted' family members than I can even count.

56. I refer to my best friends parents as 'mom' and 'dad'.

57. I don't understand the point of Anime.

58. I hate wasting paper.

59. I put ketchup on my grilled cheese. 

60. I like grits.

61. Texture is the reason I don't eat half of the foods I don't like. 

62. I don't eat pork or fish.

63. I still cover my mouth when I cough in my sleep.

64. The frosting on cake? Yeah, I hate it. 

65. I like LOVE musicals. 

66. I say that I hate people on a constant basis, mostly out of frustration. You know it's never really true until I delete them from my cell phone.

67. I openly wore headgear to school in 3rd grade. 

68. I also had braces for just about 4 years.

69. I was a band geek in high school. Make fun of it all you want, but it was seriously the BEST time of my entire life.

70. I like to go back and look at old things that I've written... the insignificance of some of the things I complain about is hilariously astounding.

71. I've come to love the alone time I get when I take I-10 home for the weekend.

72. It gets on my nerves that some people in my extended family don't know how lucky the are to have each other.

73. I Relay for Mary Beth Knox.<3

74. I'm right handed.

75. I love cheese. No joke, it's one of my favorite foods.

76. I chew on my straws. I normally chew on them to the point where they become square shaped, because I think squares are just as cool as circles.

77. I can successfully pour the 'perfect' beer from a tap...after about 15 warm ups. :)

78. People that take advantage of other people annoy me.

79. I am 100% Pro-LIFE. I do, however, support the Pro-CHOICE argument that safe alternatives to black-market abortions need to be properly funded. Nobody likes rusty knitting needles.



80. When I get bored, I like to color my hair.



81. I have very little desire to have my own, biological child. I think it's selfish to bring a baby into this world when there are already so many kids that need families. I want to adopt a child or two when I get to the point where I'm ready to accept that kind of responsibility.

82. I feel guilty when I run red lights.

83. I hate key lime pie. I think it's disgusting.

84. I love reality TV, even though I know it's total crap.

85. I absolutely cannot function if my feet are hot.

86. I have more gay friends than straight friends, and I'm quite content with that.



87. I think makeup is a waste of money. 

88. I'm fully aware that I'm a hypocrite.

89. I used to work at an independent living facility in high school, and I loved just about every minute of it.

90. I tend to cry in high-stress situations.

91. I love to swing. :)

92. It annoys me when I send a time-sensitive e-mail and the recipient is 'out of the office'

93. I throw 110% of myself into my relationships with other people.

94. Giraffe's are my favorite animal.

95. I want to be more adventurous.

96. I love to bake. 

97. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life after graduation... which is probably why I'm almost actively trying to derail my academic career.

98. I love hard.

99. The cologne that my granddad wears is my favorite smell in the entire world.

100.  I honestly, for being almost 23 years old, don't drink that often. I had that obligatory semester after my 21st birthday where I went insane. I'm glad that period's over. :)