FBGM

I'm just going to put it out there... people fucking suck. Clearly, if you're going to start shit with one person, you need to be prepared to deal with the repercussions from other people. If you already know that people don't like you, and let's be serious, you'd have to live in Antarctica to be unaware of the situation, then the obvious coucrse of action is to just NOT START SHIT. Don't pretend to be offended when people call you out on your shit- you started it, so man up and deal. It's crap and nobody wants to put up with your drama.

On a more positive note, some great things happened over the past few days:

1. I GOT MY LITTLES! :) I ended up with three completely amazing people that I can't wait to add to my family on Tuesday. They're each bringing a different dynamic to the family, and I'm like, completely beyond excited for them to finally be Chesney's! :) I'm not going to lie, I'm a little afraid that they're going to absolutely hate the gifts I got for them (only because they're not extremely extravagant like some other families do, because I'm working on an extreme budget) or worse that they're going to end up hating me and their semester is going to be awful... (again, I wasn't voted most dramatic for nothing)  I know that the possibility of them actually hating me is slim to none, but I just want everything to be absolutely perfect for them and I want them to have an awesome semester. They haven't even been introduced to the family yet and I'm already insanely protective of them... GAH, I'm clearly out of my mind.

2. Interchapter weekend was this past weekend, and I'm SO glad I decided to go! :) It was so awesome getting to meet people from other chapters and to see how they do things. The service project that we did was incredible... We teamed up with project makeover to completely redecorate an elementary school that clearly needed some love. It was amazing that all of the chapters came together and did amazing work painting murals and doing landscaping to really provide Duval Elementary with the facelift it deserved. Tau chapter put on some really great workshops that were really informative and the comparison of behaviors between chapters really gave everyone a chance to take some ideas back to their respective chapters to try and improve their programs. Definitely an amazing weekend of bonding with brothers. :) It also turns out that Gainesville isn't completely crummy... there's definitely more to it than I thought, and let's be serious, they have Dunkin Doughnuts, and you can never go wrong with Dunkies. :)


So the morals of the story today are:

1. Don't try to play the game against people who play it better and then cry when you lose. It's not flattering and nobody cares.

2. I'm SO excited for my littles!

3. I had an absolutely amazing time at Interchapter, and I can't wait for the next one! :)

For only being comprised of two letters, NO is a very powerful word... one that's apparently not in my vocabulary.

Today's is just another day in the past week that's been full of absolute ridiculousness, and I'm cranky. Don't get me wrong, a service project is definitely a reason to get up just a little earlier and the nice color I'm developing from being outside is definitely a plus in my book... but I really just want to spend one of those 'nice evenings at home' that I keep hearing people talk about for a change.

I wasn't scheduled to pull a full shift tonight. I had every intention of going home after committee meetings (which, btw, more people should go to... they're quite insightful) and making myself dinner, catching myself up on my favorite shows and sleeping in my bed instead of on someones floor. So much for that plan.

I'm not complaining about my job, because I actually really like it... I mean, I get paid to sit behind a desk and have quality 'me' time and just enjoy the quiet that I've been lucky enough to experience in the two or three weeks that I've been doing this. (Knock on wood that it stays that way... I don't need craziness during my shifts.) I even put it out there at the beginning of my shift that if we had a full staff that I was going home. Too bad my resolve is about as firm as jello in the microwave, so I sit here blogging from the wonderfulness that is Wildwood 1 while some lucky individual gets the night off. Tomorrow I'll be in Landis... so here's to hoping that the trend continues.

It's Wednesday, and as far as I know there aren't any wild parties tonight... I hope. Here's to, yet another, quiet evening full of catching up on everything that I've missed this week.

I color when I'm stressed.

The past 24 hours have been quite stressful for me. I had a make up exam for my Irish History test that, let's be serious, I have no business getting anywhere near a decent grade on... but I will, and those are the breaks. Between attempting to study for my test this afternoon and going through two new coloring pages tonight, I'm clearly ready for this weekend to arrive.

The 60th anniversary of Iota Rho is coming up in APRIL and there is still an incredible amount of stuff to do. We used to joke in the beginning that if Iota Rho were to ever have a wedding, this would be it... and now it's becoming quite the reality. I mean, we're using a wedding checklist to make sure we're covering all of our bases and we're all signed up for at least 4 different wedding websites just so we can creep centerpiece ideas. It's absolutely insane. I seriously thought my head was going to explode tonight sitting in the lounge with not only the brotherhood committee but the pledge committee as well. I don't know if it's because my brain was completely fried from this afternoon or there was just too much going on at one time, but I legitimately considered (for about 10 minutes anyway) getting up, giving everyone the finger, and walking out of the room. Dramatic, yes... but then again, I wasn't voted most dramatic in my pledge class for nothing.

I love the nights where it's warm enough to sit outside, and yet cool enough to be just right. Couple that with having heart to hearts with my brothers, and you've got yourself a pretty perfect evening.

I don't really like opening myself up and laying myself out in front of people so they can pick through the deep ridiculousness that is my life. I don't usually share the fact that I chose to participate in therapy for my family issues, and I've really scaled back on splurging my family drama all over the place. (I know I've told just about everyone that my 19 year old brother's going to be a dad in June... but I'm angry and sometimes I just need to vent.) I don't share my grades with people anymore and I hardly tell people when they've hurt my feelings. Just to kind of sum it up, I'm a pretty private person, despite everything my obnoxious persona may project. Despite being an closet introvert, I absolutely love that I can talk to my brothers about anything and everything going on in my life. I don't have to be continuously guarded because I know that, no matter what, they won't pass judgement on my life or my experiences. I know I've done a few posts regarding how amazing I think my fraternity is, but seriously, it's just such an amazing part of my life that I can't help but share it with the entire 4 people that read this blog.  ( I love you guys too :) )

There are so many amazing things planned for the next couple weeks... I have issues with patience so the days are absolutely dragging by... but I'm excited to see how everything comes together. :) I can't wait to be home for at least a few hours, to be re-united with some of my favorite family members on the planet, and to watch my cousin walk down the aisle and marry the  man of her dreams. I can't wait to meet the brothers in other amazing chapters this weekend and create new bonds of awesomeness within this crazy family that is APhiO.

I can't wait to have my first littles. :)

Like I said, it's a lot to look forward to... and I'm looking forward with so much anticipation that it'll be a wonder if I sleep at all in the next few days. :)

Happiness isn't a destination...

Bryson City, North Carolina.

Summer, 2009

Titanic was on ABC Family when I got home from Chapter this evening, and I just happened to turn it on at the part where the ship is sinking and there's a montage of people that are clearly not going to make it off the ship... you know, the mom reading to her kids, and (the most heartbreaking of all) the old couple laying in bed while the water swirls into their room... yeah, it's sad. Anyway, it got me thinking about my life as of late and I've come to the realization that, as of late and despite everything going on, I'm really happy. :)

I joined my fraternity last semester, and I fully believe that it's the best decision that I've made in my entire college career. I find myself constantly surrounded by people that lift me up and make the ridiculousness of life seem like a walk in the park. While there's always some kind of drama (let's be serious, we're a fraternity comprised mostly of women) there's always someone standing next to you to make sure you make it out alive. I highly doubt that there's ever going to be a way for me to fully explain just how much I love every single one of my brothers for simply being part of my life.

You know how there are always those select few people that walk into your life, and you instantly know that they were put there for a reason? I've been so incredibly blessed to have wonderful people recently walk into my life that I've felt are here just to turn my crummy days around and make my good days just [that] much better. I've always had amazing people to rely on, but these super special people... there are just no words. I love that no matter how crummy of a day I'm having, they're there to listen to my rants and my bitching and sometimes even my tears without judging, and always with encouraging words to make me feel better. I sincerely hope that everyone has at least one person like this in their lives, because it's truly something incredibly special.

I've got a pretty intense week lined up... I've got committee meetings, a make up test, and a trip to Gainesville to look forward to... and I'm actually okay with how crazy things are going to be for the next few days. I picked up an extra shift at my second job, so yay for getting more money in my paycheck! :) I've gotten extremely lucky while I've been doing night staff (I haven't had any major issues...yet {knock on wood!!}) and I'm really excited to see where everything goes in the future.

<3<3<3

I know I posted a picture in the last post, but there's something about this one that just makes me smile on the inside. :)

I spent a lot of time with people in my fraternity today... specifically the potential bigs and some of the Spring 2011 pledge class. Today was our 'smoker, pt.1' and I have to be honest, I didn't go to mine, so I didn't know what to expect in the slightest. What I got, however, was an afternoon of amazing sunshine and a fantastic bonding experience with some amazing people. I think this afternoon, while we were all running around like idiots out at the park, was the happiest I've felt in a LONG time, and as I was driving home I really thought about how joining Alpha Phi Omega was one of the best decisions of my college career. You can't imagine how thankful I am to be able to call these amazing individuals my brothers. :) I feel incredibly blessed that I lead the life I do; to have these amazing people next to me, supporting me and just being such a big part of my life. They are my home away from home, and I love each and every one of them to pieces. I can't wait for all the exciting things that this week has in store for the pledge class and the brotherhood, and I especially can't wait to call this pledge class my brothers. :)

Just because somebody doesn't love you
the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you
with all they have.<3

The down-hill slopes are always the easiest to ride...

Literally the worst two weeks of my life.

To start everything off, I've been sick. I don't know if you know this, but I NEVER get sick, so when it happens, I'm down for the count. Ordinarily this wouldn't be such a major dilemma, buuuut being sick AND starting a new job AND having midterms just doesn't work out well... at all. 

I'm in the process of retaking a class that I didn't do so well in the first time (mainly because I have a problem with attendance in classes where it's not mandatory) and my grade on my mid-term that I took last week is a pretty decent indicator that I'm swiftly on track to doing not so great again. Sure, I've missed a few days, but for the most part, I'm going to class and attempting to pay attention to lectures. I have all of the notes from the last time I took this class, so it should really be a piece of cake, but it's not. I seriously need to figure out how to completely ace my next two exams, because they're the only two grades left in this class. On a side note, I hate classes where your grade is only determined by three tests. What if you're not a good test-taker? You're screwed, and I think it's bullshit. (In case you're not picking up on what I'm saying- I'm a bad test taker. Like, really bad.)

On a more positive side, my amazing History of Ireland professor is being so amazingly awesome by letting me take tonights test on Tuesday because I've been sick. I've only missed two classes, but that's still SO much to be behind on, and I'm super grateful that he's giving me an extension on this test so I don't completely fail it. (Speaking of which, I'm still not sure what I got on my first test... and all I'm praying for is a C at this point... again, I'm an awful test taker) Fingers crossed for me! :)

On a completely unrelated note- There's a HUGE anti-abortion campaign going on out in the union today. Some of the pictures that are on display are quite graphic and understandably cause people to get quite emotional. I personally don't support abortion (I feel that if you're stupid enough to have sex without protection, you should have to live with the result of that action.), but I do feel that if you're going to have an abortion, you should at least have a safe option available to you. I understand that people are raped, and a LOT of people aren't comfortable having a baby fathered by a rapist, and that's their right as an individual. Do I support the killing of a child? No. Do I understand why someone would make that choice? Yes.  What I'm not okay with is people coming up to me and literally screaming their opinions at me when I'm CLEARLY not participating in this event. There's a right and wrong way to handle yourself, and screaming at me is not something that a) makes me want to listen to your point, b)makes me want to stand beside you in voicing that point, and c) is not polite. Seriously, I don't scream my beliefs at you, so please don't scream yours at me.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day has never been one of my favorite holidays.

Let's be serious- It's not even about love- it's about death. That's right, it represents St. Valentine being put to death for continuing to perform marriage ceremonies against the wishes of the Roman Catholic church. Yeah, yeah yeah, I can see how his failure to comply with the rules of the church is 'soooo romantic', but it's really not enough to get me all hot and bothered about yet another commercially exploited day out of the year.

Sure, I was into it when I was a kid and actually up until quite recently, only because I love filling out the goofy little cards and letting the people that I love know that I appreciate them. Last year, for example, I was living in a residence hall and I bought/wrote/delivered Fun-Dip Valentines to all the girls on my hall and a couple other people in the building. I bought super cheesy cards for my mom and my brother, and wore a super goofy pink necklace to work with my pink shirt for the day.  Yeah... I like all the cliche practices that come with holidays. 


This year, however, I did nothing to celebrate Valentine's Day. My facebook status was really all the recognition I paid to this day: Courtney Booth doesn't have, doesn't need, and actually doesn't want a valentine. I'm quite content just loving and being loved by all the amazing people in my life. :)  Yeah, yeah, it's cute. I know. :)


Besides being single (yet again), I've been sick for the past few days and just not in the mood to deal with over the top lovey-dovey ridiculousness. I felt slightly lame that I didn't get my mom a card, or call my brother, but in all seriousness- I didn't talk to hardly anybody today. I helped a friend try to fix a last minute problem and listened to another vent her feelings about her boyfriend joining a fraternity. I went to one class (only because I've exhausted all of my absences) and I felt completely miserable the whole time. I did, however, manage to write a paper for my Gay Politics class and I'm probably going to do some additional research for my portion of the group project that my group is doing before I call it a night.


Instead of boring my almost non-existent group of readers (I really think I only have like, three) with the completely mundane rundown of my completely mundane day or a list of other crazy things I have going on this week, I'll just leave you with this:

 I appreciate you, whether or not I tell you all the time, for everything you so and everything you bring to my life. You're truly amazing and I would be so lost without you. <3

Letters I'll Never Send

So I stumbled upon this website earlier (it's addicting!), and literally teared up when I read it.  Even if you aren't aware of other people's internal battles, take the time to tell your friends/family/co-workers/whoever that you love them. You never know- it could make all the difference.

YOU

You. Yes, you. I am writing this for you.

I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.

I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing. You really are.

You should be happy. You are gorgeous.

I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means?

You are alive.

Everything will be okay.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/28OJKY/lettersillneversend.com/2011/02/11/you-106/

I hate tax season

I hate filing my taxes.

I understand that it's a necessary part of life, but freaking a.... I just don't understand why that shit has to be so complicated. I mean, seriously- I have my W-2s, and I'm clearly not a beginner at filing my taxes, so I know how the refund calculation works. What I FAIL to understand is why my refund for this past year decreased by almost $200 because I have an out-of-state W-2. Sure, some things are different, and Michigan isn't a tax-free state so there are obviously some slight complications (at least for me, because I don't like to get bogged down in technicalities, and there are WAY too many when it comes to money and the government) but $200 is a lot of freaking money, and goddamnit, I WANT IT BACK.

Clearly, I'm going to have to make a trip to see someone about this, because I'm not giving it up without a fight.

FUCK. Oh hey Face, meet Palm.

I feel like the word FUCK appropriately sums up my weekend... Not that it was all horrible, but that's really besides the point.

Last night, pre-crew party, was pretty hilarious. I'll save the details and just let you all know that I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I was kinda hoping that the wonderfulness of everything would have carried over into the other party (this one was hosted at my house; weekend number TWO hosting parties... it was cray) but I was sadly disappointed.

I mean- I like to party just as much as the next person (if not slightly less), but even I know when enough is too much. I put up with a lot of shit when parties get thrown at my apartment mostly because I don't want to be 'that girl' that fucks up the vibe with constant nagging about not trashing my roommates bathroom or how I have neighbors that deserve to sleep somewhat undisturbed. I know, I know, the point of a party is to be loud and rowdy and to have an amazing time, but seriously- jumping off my balcony and urinating on my neighbors doorstep is taking things too far. Let's just run down a list of things my apartment is NOT equipped to deal with:

1. More than 70 people inside at one time. I have a pretty decent sized living room and a fairly decent amount of hallway space, but they're definitely not equipped to handle that many people for long periods of time. It also gets REALLY muggy and disgusting with that many people inside, which is just gross.
2. MULTIPLE alcohol and other liquids being spilled on the carpet throughout a period of 5 hours. When I have to wade through my living room to get to my bedroom, there's a problem.
3. Idiots who feel the need to prove their manliness to other people. No, I don't care that you think you can jump off the balcony without killing yourself- you're drunk and clearly not capable of making positive life choices. My advice to you? DON'T DO IT.
4. Drunken fights. I don't like confrontation, especially that of a physical nature. We have a rather nice television (that doesn't belong to me!) in the living room, and I'm pretty positive that it cannot withstand having people thrown into it or getting knocked onto the floor. On top of everything else,I have like, ZERO fighting experience, so I'm really only good for standing in between idiots who think it's a good idea to fight each other when they're drunk (Let's be real- that's a bad life choice) and screaming really loud.

That list could go on for a while, but I'm pretty sure you get the point. Needless to say, I spent last night incredibly annoyed and stressed out... which was clearly no fun.

Moving on-

I have a knack for creating those 'foot in mouth' situations. It's not something that I do on purpose (trust me, I hate awkward moments when people take offense to something that wasn't supposed to be offensive), but it's something that tends to happen quite frequently. I clearly need a filter or at least someone to follow me around and snap a rubber band on my wrist, or SOMETHING to help me out with this. I hate the fact that something that I said has hurt someone's feelings or made them angry, because I can't stand having people angry with me. Seriously- it makes me cry.

I had one of these moments tonight at chapter (I'm a brother in Alpha Phi Omega) and it made me feel SO horrible. :(  You know how there are those people that are so amazingly genuine and nice that it just breaks your heart to hear that something you said has made them upset? There are a couple people like that in my fraternity, and it was one of these people that I think I hurt their feelings this evening. Cue sad face and broken heart. I think we've managed to smooth things over though, so fingers crossed that my :( will turn into a :) and everything will go back to being hunky dory.

Phew- if feels really nice to get a lot of my frustration about this weekend out so I can make room for happy things.

On a happier note- WE HAVE PLEDGES!! :)

This semester's pledge class is HUGE! It makes me really happy though, because they're all such an amazing group of people that are surely going to bring a lot of positive energy to the fraternity and hopefully help in keeping us on a positive course. I can't wait to see how their pledge semester progresses, and how Tony shapes them into awesome pledges that will fit right into our ever-growing family. :)

Because who doesn't love stumbling around the internet in the wee hours of the morning...

I think it's safe to say that I have a bit of a problem when it comes to maintaining a regular sleep schedule... and by bit of a problem, I mean that I lack any form of a regular sleep schedule whatsoever. While I'm not a fan of the seemingly permanent circles that have formed underneath my eyes, I actually don't mind that sleeping doesn't seem to fit into my schedule. I mean, not having a set sleep schedule helped land me my second job, and it's when my best stumbling gets done. With that being said:

 Hi, I'm Courtney, and I'm addicted to StumbleUpon.com.

Let's be serious- StumbleUpon is the ultimate aid to procrastinators around the world. I would say that I spend a fairly large amount of my free time aimlessly stumbling around the internet in search of random craft ideas and recipes, with the occasional photo or random quote thrown in to keep things interesting.  Running down my list of favorites (it's surprisingly small for the amount of stumbling I do... I'm only at 45!), it's mostly comprised of art projects that I'll never make time for or recipes that I'll never spend the money on the amount of ingredients it takes to make them. For example: I just found a recipe for what looks like a perfectly delicious knish. Not only does it look delicious, but it even says in the title that the whole thing in its entirety only costs $8.00! Sounds like an amazing thing right? I know! Too bad I'll never get around to spending that $8.00 to make these things, so for now- it goes in the favorites folder with the felt flower DIY and the tumbler of some random assortment of photos.

There's a point to all that ridiculousness about knishes up there. I feel like my inherent need to favorite things I'll never look at again is something that is frequently mirrored in real life. I'm a compulsive favorite-er. I frequently place labels on people or things that in the moment tend to capture my full attention, and then completely disregard the title and whatever it was associated with as soon as it's been out of my direct line of thought for more than 5 minutes. I know, it sounds completely awful, but I seriously have the attention span of a 5 year old most days, because I have so much going on in my life. I mean, I carry a day planner, and I'm 110% anal about organizing my day-to-day life (not that you'd ever be able to tell that looking at my bedroom floor), but even with the added help of having my chaos neatly displayed in front of me, things tend to fall through the cracks.

Usually, the people that come to my rescue (Hey, I didn't win 'Most Dramatic Pledge' for no reason), or simply take the time to make sure I'm still functioning like a semi-normal individual fall into that 'favorites' category, simply because they're amazing. Once you get past that though, any sort of ranking system that I had for determining favorites goes out the window. Soon, it becomes the kid two seats over in my history class that handed me a pencil when mine ran out of lead or the girl riding the unicycle around campus on sunny afternoons. People I don't even know or speak to are instantly lumped into what should be a completely exclusive group of individuals that make my life just that much better for being in it. Sheesh- for someone with standards like mine (they're abnormally high, in case you were wondering), you would think that being selective would be second nature.  Clearly, my thought process needs to be evaluated and refined.

I guess the whole point to this super long first entry is this:
a) I'm a StumbleUpon addict, so share your favorites with me
b) I'm a compulsive 'favorite-er', and the fact that it's leaked into my personal life irks me
c) I need to work on consistency, and meeting my own standards for what a 'favorite' should be
d) Speaking of favorites, my list is now up to 52
e) My character flaws will probably be the primary substance of my posts, so if that's your kinda thing- keep reading. :)