I don't have all the answers.

I was talking some things over with my twin earlier and was, once again, reminded of how frustrated it makes me that I don't know the answers to questions that I have. It got me thinking about things that are a part of my every day life that I don't have explanations for:

I can't tell you why I care more about what other people think of me than I care more about what I think of myself. I don't really know why I sleep on the side of the bed that I do, or why I have to sleep on the same side no matter where I spend the night. I can't fully convey why I like to spend more time by myself than I do in large crowds. There's no explanation as to why I use filtered water to cook with or for drinking while I use tap water to brush my teeth. I can't describe the weird feeling I get if I don't wash my hair before I wash my face in the shower. I don't have a reason for claiming the right side of my couch or organizing the food on my shelf in my kitchen by the type of food. I simply cannot explain the immense 'mama bear' feeling I have for my littles, even though it's still a relatively new thing and I'm still getting to know them. I don't have an answer as to why I worry so much about friends in different social groups getting along or why I worry about what people are thinking when they're quiet. I can't tell you why I find infomercials so addicting or why I like to vacuum. I'm not really sure why I have 'emergency plans' already thought out and in place just in case something happens. I don't know why I feel the need to leave detailed noted for people when I leave my house, because nobody really reads them anyway. I'm still not sure why my expectations for things are as high as they are, because I know full on that I nor hardly anyone else will ever meet them.

All of these things are seemingly insignificant, but things I think about none-the-less.