I don't have all the answers.

I was talking some things over with my twin earlier and was, once again, reminded of how frustrated it makes me that I don't know the answers to questions that I have. It got me thinking about things that are a part of my every day life that I don't have explanations for:

I can't tell you why I care more about what other people think of me than I care more about what I think of myself. I don't really know why I sleep on the side of the bed that I do, or why I have to sleep on the same side no matter where I spend the night. I can't fully convey why I like to spend more time by myself than I do in large crowds. There's no explanation as to why I use filtered water to cook with or for drinking while I use tap water to brush my teeth. I can't describe the weird feeling I get if I don't wash my hair before I wash my face in the shower. I don't have a reason for claiming the right side of my couch or organizing the food on my shelf in my kitchen by the type of food. I simply cannot explain the immense 'mama bear' feeling I have for my littles, even though it's still a relatively new thing and I'm still getting to know them. I don't have an answer as to why I worry so much about friends in different social groups getting along or why I worry about what people are thinking when they're quiet. I can't tell you why I find infomercials so addicting or why I like to vacuum. I'm not really sure why I have 'emergency plans' already thought out and in place just in case something happens. I don't know why I feel the need to leave detailed noted for people when I leave my house, because nobody really reads them anyway. I'm still not sure why my expectations for things are as high as they are, because I know full on that I nor hardly anyone else will ever meet them.

All of these things are seemingly insignificant, but things I think about none-the-less.

LEETLES!

Baby Chesney's :)

Big/Little Ceremony, Spring 2011

I HAVE LITTLES! :)

I took triplets this semester (despite my better judgement) and couldn't be any happier with my decision if they were cast from solid gold. I clearly got the BEST littles in this semester's pledge class, and I'm so excited to see how this semester develops, not only with my littles, but with all of the new additions to my family. :)

An updated family photo is on the way, as soon as I can get all of my littles together in one place. :)

FBGM

I'm just going to put it out there... people fucking suck. Clearly, if you're going to start shit with one person, you need to be prepared to deal with the repercussions from other people. If you already know that people don't like you, and let's be serious, you'd have to live in Antarctica to be unaware of the situation, then the obvious coucrse of action is to just NOT START SHIT. Don't pretend to be offended when people call you out on your shit- you started it, so man up and deal. It's crap and nobody wants to put up with your drama.

On a more positive note, some great things happened over the past few days:

1. I GOT MY LITTLES! :) I ended up with three completely amazing people that I can't wait to add to my family on Tuesday. They're each bringing a different dynamic to the family, and I'm like, completely beyond excited for them to finally be Chesney's! :) I'm not going to lie, I'm a little afraid that they're going to absolutely hate the gifts I got for them (only because they're not extremely extravagant like some other families do, because I'm working on an extreme budget) or worse that they're going to end up hating me and their semester is going to be awful... (again, I wasn't voted most dramatic for nothing)  I know that the possibility of them actually hating me is slim to none, but I just want everything to be absolutely perfect for them and I want them to have an awesome semester. They haven't even been introduced to the family yet and I'm already insanely protective of them... GAH, I'm clearly out of my mind.

2. Interchapter weekend was this past weekend, and I'm SO glad I decided to go! :) It was so awesome getting to meet people from other chapters and to see how they do things. The service project that we did was incredible... We teamed up with project makeover to completely redecorate an elementary school that clearly needed some love. It was amazing that all of the chapters came together and did amazing work painting murals and doing landscaping to really provide Duval Elementary with the facelift it deserved. Tau chapter put on some really great workshops that were really informative and the comparison of behaviors between chapters really gave everyone a chance to take some ideas back to their respective chapters to try and improve their programs. Definitely an amazing weekend of bonding with brothers. :) It also turns out that Gainesville isn't completely crummy... there's definitely more to it than I thought, and let's be serious, they have Dunkin Doughnuts, and you can never go wrong with Dunkies. :)


So the morals of the story today are:

1. Don't try to play the game against people who play it better and then cry when you lose. It's not flattering and nobody cares.

2. I'm SO excited for my littles!

3. I had an absolutely amazing time at Interchapter, and I can't wait for the next one! :)

For only being comprised of two letters, NO is a very powerful word... one that's apparently not in my vocabulary.

Today's is just another day in the past week that's been full of absolute ridiculousness, and I'm cranky. Don't get me wrong, a service project is definitely a reason to get up just a little earlier and the nice color I'm developing from being outside is definitely a plus in my book... but I really just want to spend one of those 'nice evenings at home' that I keep hearing people talk about for a change.

I wasn't scheduled to pull a full shift tonight. I had every intention of going home after committee meetings (which, btw, more people should go to... they're quite insightful) and making myself dinner, catching myself up on my favorite shows and sleeping in my bed instead of on someones floor. So much for that plan.

I'm not complaining about my job, because I actually really like it... I mean, I get paid to sit behind a desk and have quality 'me' time and just enjoy the quiet that I've been lucky enough to experience in the two or three weeks that I've been doing this. (Knock on wood that it stays that way... I don't need craziness during my shifts.) I even put it out there at the beginning of my shift that if we had a full staff that I was going home. Too bad my resolve is about as firm as jello in the microwave, so I sit here blogging from the wonderfulness that is Wildwood 1 while some lucky individual gets the night off. Tomorrow I'll be in Landis... so here's to hoping that the trend continues.

It's Wednesday, and as far as I know there aren't any wild parties tonight... I hope. Here's to, yet another, quiet evening full of catching up on everything that I've missed this week.

I color when I'm stressed.

The past 24 hours have been quite stressful for me. I had a make up exam for my Irish History test that, let's be serious, I have no business getting anywhere near a decent grade on... but I will, and those are the breaks. Between attempting to study for my test this afternoon and going through two new coloring pages tonight, I'm clearly ready for this weekend to arrive.

The 60th anniversary of Iota Rho is coming up in APRIL and there is still an incredible amount of stuff to do. We used to joke in the beginning that if Iota Rho were to ever have a wedding, this would be it... and now it's becoming quite the reality. I mean, we're using a wedding checklist to make sure we're covering all of our bases and we're all signed up for at least 4 different wedding websites just so we can creep centerpiece ideas. It's absolutely insane. I seriously thought my head was going to explode tonight sitting in the lounge with not only the brotherhood committee but the pledge committee as well. I don't know if it's because my brain was completely fried from this afternoon or there was just too much going on at one time, but I legitimately considered (for about 10 minutes anyway) getting up, giving everyone the finger, and walking out of the room. Dramatic, yes... but then again, I wasn't voted most dramatic in my pledge class for nothing.

I love the nights where it's warm enough to sit outside, and yet cool enough to be just right. Couple that with having heart to hearts with my brothers, and you've got yourself a pretty perfect evening.

I don't really like opening myself up and laying myself out in front of people so they can pick through the deep ridiculousness that is my life. I don't usually share the fact that I chose to participate in therapy for my family issues, and I've really scaled back on splurging my family drama all over the place. (I know I've told just about everyone that my 19 year old brother's going to be a dad in June... but I'm angry and sometimes I just need to vent.) I don't share my grades with people anymore and I hardly tell people when they've hurt my feelings. Just to kind of sum it up, I'm a pretty private person, despite everything my obnoxious persona may project. Despite being an closet introvert, I absolutely love that I can talk to my brothers about anything and everything going on in my life. I don't have to be continuously guarded because I know that, no matter what, they won't pass judgement on my life or my experiences. I know I've done a few posts regarding how amazing I think my fraternity is, but seriously, it's just such an amazing part of my life that I can't help but share it with the entire 4 people that read this blog.  ( I love you guys too :) )

There are so many amazing things planned for the next couple weeks... I have issues with patience so the days are absolutely dragging by... but I'm excited to see how everything comes together. :) I can't wait to be home for at least a few hours, to be re-united with some of my favorite family members on the planet, and to watch my cousin walk down the aisle and marry the  man of her dreams. I can't wait to meet the brothers in other amazing chapters this weekend and create new bonds of awesomeness within this crazy family that is APhiO.

I can't wait to have my first littles. :)

Like I said, it's a lot to look forward to... and I'm looking forward with so much anticipation that it'll be a wonder if I sleep at all in the next few days. :)

Happiness isn't a destination...

Bryson City, North Carolina.

Summer, 2009

Titanic was on ABC Family when I got home from Chapter this evening, and I just happened to turn it on at the part where the ship is sinking and there's a montage of people that are clearly not going to make it off the ship... you know, the mom reading to her kids, and (the most heartbreaking of all) the old couple laying in bed while the water swirls into their room... yeah, it's sad. Anyway, it got me thinking about my life as of late and I've come to the realization that, as of late and despite everything going on, I'm really happy. :)

I joined my fraternity last semester, and I fully believe that it's the best decision that I've made in my entire college career. I find myself constantly surrounded by people that lift me up and make the ridiculousness of life seem like a walk in the park. While there's always some kind of drama (let's be serious, we're a fraternity comprised mostly of women) there's always someone standing next to you to make sure you make it out alive. I highly doubt that there's ever going to be a way for me to fully explain just how much I love every single one of my brothers for simply being part of my life.

You know how there are always those select few people that walk into your life, and you instantly know that they were put there for a reason? I've been so incredibly blessed to have wonderful people recently walk into my life that I've felt are here just to turn my crummy days around and make my good days just [that] much better. I've always had amazing people to rely on, but these super special people... there are just no words. I love that no matter how crummy of a day I'm having, they're there to listen to my rants and my bitching and sometimes even my tears without judging, and always with encouraging words to make me feel better. I sincerely hope that everyone has at least one person like this in their lives, because it's truly something incredibly special.

I've got a pretty intense week lined up... I've got committee meetings, a make up test, and a trip to Gainesville to look forward to... and I'm actually okay with how crazy things are going to be for the next few days. I picked up an extra shift at my second job, so yay for getting more money in my paycheck! :) I've gotten extremely lucky while I've been doing night staff (I haven't had any major issues...yet {knock on wood!!}) and I'm really excited to see where everything goes in the future.

<3<3<3